Following the lead of such technology giants as Microsoft, Apple, and Google, Texas Instruments is also claiming a piece of the portable phone industry with the release of the TI-Phone last Thursday.

"We're really excited," said a company spokesperson on Friday. "The phone industry offers enormous potential, and we're glad to have a foothold."

Already, thousands have ordered the surprise product, hoping to find a relatively cheap yet functional phone. However, many were turned down by the TI-Phone's lack of features, especially its inability to communicate with other phones without the use of a cable. "This is outrageous," remarked a consumer. "It totally defeats the point. I mean, why would I call someone if we needed a cable to link our phones?" In response to the protest, TI pointed out that "really, it's not that hard. All you have to do is plug your end of the cable into the little hole in the bottom. Eventually, we're hoping to set up a nation-wide network of compatible cables to deliver service to 90% of TI-Phone users."

The company also released a statement warning customers that the TI-Phone is still "in development," and "features found on other cellular telephones may not be implemented until the release of later OS versions." Indeed, the current OS (which at the time of printing was version 1.01) has very few useful features when compared to other companies' models. For example, the screen is only 96×64 and monochrome, making the TI-Phone comparable to phones of a decade earlier. Also outdated is the phone's use of non-rechargeable AAA batteries, which can drain quickly during intensive use. Very few applications are included with the OS, and though TI claims the phone can send and receive third-party software, this software can come as either a program or an application, causing confusion for many purchasers. However, the phone does come with extensive financial software, which, according to Texas Instruments, is an "integral part of the TI-Phone OS, just as IE is to Microsoft Windows."

• Anyform: Done, would have released a beta if I had had time before being whisked off to this place.
• Nspire Anyform: Done, will release as soon as I get my hands on the Nspire that has the program.
• Calcalca: Yes, it all works! Now to figure out how to make it several times faster.
• Secret project: I haven't come up with a name yet, but I'm planning one. Even if now is definitely the worst time to start working on any project of the sort (that's the only hint you'll get until the alpha release (and yes, this is the first time I'm actually going to release alphas and betas for a project)).
• Axe Parser contest entry: I have decided to try entering into a contest again, and I'm actually proud of what will become my first Axe project. The individual sections that will eventually make up the game have already been made, and for the past week or so I've been working on tying them all together. It didn't work; I found out later (after being separated from my calculator by cruel fate) that I forgot about Axe's strangely linear form of OOP (order of operations). Hopefully, this is the only error the program has, or else I'm going to have a ton of debugging work to do. Ugh. (By the way, I'm (possibly temporarily) calling the project Fourplay. And in case you're wondering, this is completely safe for work/children.)

This year, the International Organization for Standardization (ISO) received numerous complaints from native and immigrant Martians that over nine years after their planet started receiving Internet service, they still do not have their own top-level domain. In response, the ISO finally decided to assign .rp as the ISO 3166-1 alpha-2 code for Mars. This decision, reported world-wide (on both worlds) this morning at 3:14 GMT, was met with spontaneous celebrations all over the Red Planet.

"I'm really glad they did this for us," said a native Martian blogger when we interviewed web users there. "Now I don't have to upload everything to some registry on the next planet over, waiting 20 minutes, or more, just to get some message at all."

Of course, not everyone was satisfied with the change. In particular, citizens of the Philippines were unhappy with the fact that this denied them the country code RP. According to one Filipino: "RP was our code, and they never should have given it away! Give it back, you ——— Martians!" A considerably less vehement Filipino citizen put it this way: "I don't see why Mars needs a domain in the first place. In any case, RP is supposed to stand for the 'Republic of the Philippines.' What'll they need it for?" The ISO spokesperson responded that they had the right to change the identity of codes. "Besides, the country code RP was already 'indeterminately reserved,' meaning it should have been removed eventually. We couldn't give the Martians any other codes, since .ma, .mr, and .ms were all taken. You could imagine .rp to stand for Red Planet, if you really need an acronym."

In the few hours since the decision was made public, dozens of foreign and domestic organizations have already begun switching to the new domain. Most conspicuously, Google, Yahoo, and Microsoft have already registered domain names at google.rp, yahoo.rp, and bing.rp, respectively, hoping to take advantage of the over 100 million Internet users on Mars.

• TI-BASIC. Yes, I am enough of a nerd to be interested in such a language to actually create a blog (or at least half a blog) about it.
• Fake news. (Fake news? What are you talking about? All that stuff is genuine!)